I’m not quite sure how to start this letter but if you are reading it, then I’ve somehow managed to work a way out how to travel back in time and deliver this to you. Before you decide to drop it and run to the nearest exist, have a seat and please hear me out. I wish I could say that only the next few years of your life are going to be very tough, but coming from 24 year old you, unfortunately its a lot more years than that.
You are going to have days where you just end up sleeping a lot, because it seems easier than facing life that day. You will want out when it comes to life. You know this is a selfish way of thinking though. Someone is always worse off. People will come and go, and they will disappoint you too, even the good ones. You’ll put up with some of these people though because well, your a forgiving person, and also some people you will want so much in your life, that you are willing to accept this. At the same time, you can also cut people out of it just as quick. You will become very stubborn, especially when it comes to showing and opening up your feelings, and your wall is going to be like the game Jenga. Except you want to find the person to take out the right brick to make that wall fall. No wonder why you end up with mental health problems, which leads me on to saying it will take depression to know happiness. You would give anything to be happy.
There will be opportunities you turn down, University being one of them. You’ll wonder what you could of been, and what you will grow into be. Your biggest fear will be love. Oh Amy, it’s not good when it comes to love. You are going to be hurt in the worst ways possible. Ways that you didn’t think humans could act. People are going to take all that you are and rip it into pieces, and not even care where those pieces land. The pain your heart will physically feel, will hurt. You will feel like absolute dirt. You will feel like nothing. You will just want out. However you are soon going to start to realise you are one strong independent woman. You may be 5″2, but your attitude is 6″1.
You will soon realise there is a lesson to be learnt in everything you do. Close doors, when you realise they lead to nowhere. You’ll believe that everything happens for a reason, even if at that time, you don’t understand the reason why. There will be things you don’t want to happen but will have to expect. Things you don’t want to know, but will have to learn. People we can’t live without, but have to let go. You can lie down for people to walk on you, and they will still complain your not flat enough. For every person you meet, you will realise they have a role to play. Some will use you, some will test you, some will teach you but there will also be ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare, beautiful souls who remind you why its worth it.
As you get nearer to the age of 25, you realise that actually you want to look back at life and say, “I can’t believe I did that” rather than look back and say “I wish I did that”. You will work on yourself, and learn how to love yourself, because how can you expect anyone to love you, if you even don’t. You’ll start to make peace with your past. Your heart and your head won’t come to an agreement always, which is a difficult path. You will have some amazing experiences though like dancing for an Olympic torch relay ceremony, taking part in flash mobs in the street, dancing in multiple shows, winning dance competitions, getting honors in dance exams. Dance will be everything to you in life. It will be a way of expressing your emoticons and a release.
Forget expectations. Don’t waste too much time on people who create a negative impact on you. Live for yourself, you don’t need anyone to live for. Stop and admire the little things. Don’t be afraid of change. Patience and attitude is everything. Have hope. Time is a healer, give it time. Stop thinking too much, its alright to not know the answers, they will come to you when you least expect it. The key to life is how well you deal with plan B. Listen to what you say, you mean it. Never apologize for who you are. Forget the life you had planned, so that you can have the life that is waiting for you, and stop fighting with your thoughts.
At the end of it though, you’ll realise you can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
You need to go easy on yourself.
Your 24 year old self. x