Trauma is trauma. There is no such thing as anyone’s trauma being less traumatic or mean less than someone else’s. The same way as no two traumas are the same, however most of us will experience it at some point in our life. If you have been through something that has been deeply distressing and life changing it’s going to have impact on you. If you have been a reader long enough, I think it’s fair to say I’ve shared a fair few experiences in my life that I’ve been comfortable enough to share and those experiences have affected me ever since I’ve had to go through them. Whether it’s childhood, a relationship, being bullied, physical or emotional abuse etc it’s very difficult to be the same person you once was, after that. Personally I try to lock mine away but every now and again that lock gets unpicked and I have to try and work out how to deal with the triggered situation.
The truth is, life doesn’t wait for you to be ok.
It’s not our fault that these unfortunate events have happened to us, but it is our responsibility as to how we heal from them. Before we know it, days, weeks, months, even years have passed and what we’ve allowed, is our time to be stolen from us. What is important though is we survived. In a time where we probably felt at our lowest, we was actually our strongest. I think and I can only say this personally for me, is the two hardest parts, is to accept what has happened and then having to deal with things that trigger you. Triggers are horrible because it’s not always something you see coming nor can avoid. Again it’s different for everyone but fight or flight kicks in for me and there’s that kind of freeze mentality of I don’t know what to do, my chest is tight, I feel like I can’t breath, I can’t get my words out. You immediately go back to that place you was in and it takes a while to get out of it, and it can make you feel very restless and unsure of what you need in that moment.
Self blame can also be another factor as to why it’s hard to move on from trauma. We can feel shame and guilt, maybe wishing we had done something differently, maybe got out of something quicker but truth is at that time we couldn’t have done. You can even feel like you was responsible for a person’s actions even though you had no power over them and that’s just the effects it can have you mentally. Physically I mentioned earlier you can feel tired, you can have headaches, the shakes and it can make you feel sick. Other experiences can include panic attacks which are the worst, as they already start happening before you’ve realised. Flashbacks are highly likely where even so much as a smell can cause one of them to happen. I personally struggle with sleep, I very rarely dream but I will get nightmares about things that have happened in the past. People may even turn to self harm or alcohol. However you may be feeling though, it’s important to know that those feelings are valid.
I’ve learnt a few things over the years about how to deal with triggers and I’ll talk about some of those in a second but I just want to say just because this can work for me, doesn’t mean it will work for everyone and that’s completely okay. Whenever I feel like I’m getting anxious, I go straight to the nearest tap and put the cold tap on. There are pressure points in your wrist, to find these go two or three finger widths from the crease of your wrist and then if you put that part under the cold water and let it run, I find that can calm my whole body down. For panic attacks and I will admit this doesn’t always work for me personally but there is the 5,4,3,2,1 exercise a friend introduced to me. You identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This is to help shift focus from the attack. The last thing I will talk about is I really recommend doing something you once loved doing or even just taking up a new hobby. It really helps to have something to focus on. I have always enjoyed blogging but have really found it hard to come back to it, but after a short talk about it with a friend and a few wise words, I decided that I’m going to give it another go. Some things I talk about aren’t easy and I choose what I want to share, but knowing that it can help someone else or just make someone not feel so alone, makes it worth it and I find it as a release for myself as well. I’m only 2 posts in and I feel like I’ve gained part of me back, which is making me happy, so I definitely recommend doing something you know you’re going to enjoy.
We can’t change the past, however we are in a very unique position to be able to change the now. Don’t neglect your emotions, they are there for a reason, and it’s important to understand why they’ve shown up. If you need to cry, just let it out. Try and talk about it, and if you feel you can’t, write it down until you feel you can. My notes on my phone are full of different things I’ve wrote down in times I feel like I can’t talk about how I feel. This sounds like a strange one, but use the past as inspiration to create a better future. Learn to love, be kind and patient with yourself and don’t put pressure on getting over things straight away. Some days you’ll wish you were stronger. It can take years, but things do get better, the thoughts are less and you find coping mechanisms to help you move on in some form, just know that the process isn’t quick. Once you’ve accepted and acknowledged what you’ve been through, then comes the forgiving stage if it’s someone that’s caused you the pain. I personally struggle to forgive people and that’s probably why things still affect me, but I do believe I’m through the worst of things. I feel that until you’ve gone through the forgiving stage then you can’t really forget. Hopefully like many others, I’ll get there one day.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you” – Rumi
What has helped you cope through tough times?
Amy x
littlemissminor 