I think we would all be lying if we said we hadn’t had negative thoughts before, and that we still get them. All that is needed to set them off is for us to have a bad day, or for a situation that hasn’t gone the way we thought it would. It can make us feel like life is against us, we can look at ourselves differently and we can think people don’t have good intentions, and they are examples just to name a few. Having this kind of outlook, can have more of an impact on your life than you think. We might push people away, disconnect ourselves from things or it can leave us feeling discouraged. We aren’t necessarily conscious of going down this path, but if we aren’t careful, our thoughts will consume us. Although negative thinking is a natural part of life, not to mention how we interoperate the world and makes sense of it, there are ways to break free from patterns that could spiral your thoughts out of control and you can reclaim inner peace.
In order for us to break free from negative thought patterns, it’s important for us that we recognise the patterns first. I have gathered together seven different types of negative thinking patterns to talk about, and some of them you probably won’t even be aware of the fact that they are having a negative impact on you mentally. The first one of those being “All or nothing thinking.” This is the type of thinking where we see things either bad or good or black and white, there is no in-between. For example if something bad happened in the day, you could be quick to write off the whole day, disregarding the fact that nothing else good will come from it. Thinking this way can be difficult as it’s mostly surrounded by the idea of perfectionism and as we all know, that is a really high standard to have and one that isn’t always achievable. It’s good that we can want only the best to happen, I myself is guilty of having this mindset, however we need to bear in mind that it can’t always be that way.
Overgeneralization is another example of a negative thought pattern. It’s experiencing a setback from a single event and then drawing broad conclusions from it. Some examples could be that you didn’t get a job and therefore because of that you will never ever get a job. You could have had a bad relationship and therefore go into future relationships thinking that they are all going to be the same, but you actually have very little evidence that this is the case for both examples. Which brings us on to our next pattern which is catastrophizing. This can be thinking the very worst of a situation or in other words exaggerating. Some examples could include, I have made a mistake at work therefore I am going to get sacked, or I failed a test/exam this means I have failed at life. It is quite an extreme way of thinking but one that can lead to a long term impact on your mind, as your thinking a situation is a lot worse than it actually is, and can really impact your mental health.
The next pattern I wanted to talk about is one that I wanted to talk about in a bit more detail. I’ve never really experienced this way of thinking before but it is one I’ve been struggling with recently and that is the negative pattern “Mind Reading.” This is where you assume you know what others are thinking, and believing they have negative thoughts about you without evidence. For example you could think a person thinks your an idiot or stupid, or you could believe someone is mad at you because maybe you’ve replied too late to a message etc. I wanted to talk about this as since around the beginning of June, I having being having thoughts that I am not liked, and last week I took a week off from blogging because I got it into my head that people were laughing at my blog and were like “what’s she even doing, she isn’t even good,” so I felt a break was needed. I had no evidence of either of these things being true. I actually in fact had evidence to back up that they weren’t true. The comments I’ve had from my blog have been very positive, so I would definitely recommend just taking a step back and take some time out for yourself. This quote recently popped up and it was “if you feel like everyone hates you, it’s time to rest. If you feel like you hate everyone else, it’s time to eat.”
Our fifth pattern to talk about is “Discounting The Positives” thinking. This is ignoring or downplaying positive experiences, achievements, or feedback. This one is probably quite self explanatory but it could be saying something was “easy” to explain an achievement or saying something was “nothing.” I think there will be a lot of people who do this and one that we aren’t aware we are doing. Moving on to our second to last pattern and this one is “Labeling.” It’s when you attach negative labels to yourself or others, based on specific behaviors or events. So it could be that you or someone else did something, and instead as seeing it as something in their behavior, you’ve let it define them or you as a person, and put a label on it. This could also include labelling yourself as a failure, or not interacting with someone anymore because of one bad social experience. It is a very judgmental way of thinking and one where you need to remind yourself of the difference between opinions and facts.
Last but not least we move on to “Personalization” which is blaming yourself for events outside of your control, or assuming responsibility for things that are not your fault. I won’t get too specific with this as it’s usually surrounded by sensitive situations that are personal, hence the name. It could be that you think you are all to blame for a relationship ending, or that you blame yourself for something that happened to a friend or a family member. You feel like an entire event was all your fault. You could be thinking things like “if only I did this, then that wouldn’t have happened” or “how did I not see the signs that my friend/family member was going through that.” The thing is it doesn’t matter what you would have done differently, if that situation was out of your control, no action that you did would gain you that control. This way of thinking can cause a high amount of emotional distress, and can create a sense of insecurity, anxiety, or imposter syndrome.
So how can we combat negative thought patterns? Recognising these patterns is the first step in challenging and changing them. If we are recognising when these thoughts start to arise, we can then start challenging their validity. Question the evidence for and against your negative thoughts. Where am I getting this information from? Have these thoughts been directly said to me? Are they based on facts or assumptions? Once we have worked this out we can then replace a negative thought with a more balanced or positive one. For example if you think “I always mess up” replace it with, “I can learn from my mistakes and improve.” Focusing on things that we are grateful for can also shift our perspective from negative to positive. There are also plenty of journals out there to practice mindfulness or you could even practice meditation. Both of these things can help you observe your thoughts without judgement and create a mental space to choose how to respond to them.
Seeking professional help is another option and an option that isn’t to be ashamed of. Whether that is talking to a counselor, a therapist or if you don’t feel comfortable with that, talk to someone you know like a friend or family member. Sometimes sharing your thoughts can provide a fresh perspective and can help you decide if you are thinking rationally. Most importantly though, be kind to yourself and give yourself compassion. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend going through a tough time. We are only human at the end of the day, and sometimes we speak to ourselves in a way we wouldn’t speak to others. Imperfection is part of the shared human experience and we can be our own worst self critic. It’s important to give ourselves the self respect we deserve and to create a more positive and supportive internal dialogue. Our minds have a lot going on in them, because of that, we need to make sure we are looking after them.
Amy x
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