Third post in a week, aren’t you lucky, or perhaps the troll on my blog would say otherwise. Some would say to not rise to it, to not give them what they want, but lets give them the attention they so clearly desperately need. You see, I’m not afraid to say that I felt sick posting on Friday because I was worried as to what comments I may get from this particular person. I’ll also be honest and say that part of me wanted to stop blogging altogether and basically hide away. In the nearly 11 years I have been writing on my blog, I have been lucky enough to only have one other person who has been slightly horrible, so congratulations if you’re reading this because you’ve won that medal. I’m all for healthy criticism it’s how we learn and grow, but to just personally attack someone for whatever reason is just horrible. This isn’t the post I thought I’d be posting today but I think when you’ve had a particularly hard time dealing with inner demons it’s not fair that someone tries to ruin the progress you’ve made, especially when it’s not just anyone, I know who’s done this.
This will be the first and last time I address this. I am not perfect, I make errors, and I will continue to do so throughout life, but I learn from them. I did nothing wrong to this person, I just couldn’t give them as much time as they wanted. It’s not possible to give someone hours every single night and neglect other friends and things you want to do. Not to mention that when I was in this persons company it wasn’t always pleasant. Usually, when people are hurtful, they do not get as many chances as this person did. I let things go and made excuses for them. There are only so many excuses you can make, though. I am very selective as to who I choose to let into my life, who gets to know me properly and who I spend my time with. This is not me saying people should feel privileged because it’s not. It’s me saying this is what being hurt has done. When someone then decides because I can’t give them enough time and then felt the need to then try and post horrible comments on my blog, about my blog, it just feels a bit of a kick in the teeth. They were still going to get my time, just I could not meet their high expectations.
This past year has been quite difficult for me in terms of self-doubt and just not feeling good enough. I’ve no idea why I’ve been getting these thoughts, but I have felt like people don’t like me and have even found myself questioning whether they mean the nice things they say. That’s not on them, that’s on me. I feel like I have been getting better with some of these feelings and really have been focusing so much more on myself recently, and I feel good for it, or I felt good for it. I try and give people everything I possibly can, I don’t always succeed which gets to me and I sometimes find myself exhausted because of it, but I will always try my hardest to put in 110%. I only expect a little effort back, but I feel like sometimes you realise that actually you don’t mean as much to people as they mean to you. I will regret saying all of this after its posted, as I feel like I’m letting too much out and it’s going to lead to me overthinking which I know annoys those that are close to me but these comments have led to that anyways but I just want people to get a real insight as to what goes on in my mind. I didn’t want any of this.
It’s not so much the actual comments that got to me, although it did leave me to think I am not good enough and quite worthless. It’s the fact that I let this person get to know me, and what they have done has made me want to completely close myself off from others. It questions my trust in others, and that hurts. Not only that, but it puts me off speaking to new people and not giving them a chance, and that’s not fair. I definitely feel reluctant to share as much now as I feel like people are laughing at me. That’s what hurts. You may be thinking why have I chosen someone’s words to get to me so much and that’s because unfortunately for the overthinker like me, words stick. Time is a healer, and I will get back to where I need to be, I’ve already spent too much time dwelling on it all and overanalyzing, and it’s just not worth it mentally. I will keep posting, and I will do my best to be as open as I feel comfortable with. We can’t let bullies win, especially ones sitting behind a screen.
If you are the person who has been trying to post horrible comments and are reading this, I’m sorry that you feel I’m wasting my time writing these posts and everyone else’s who is reading. I’m sorry that you feel like this is the worst blog ever with the worst posts ever. I’m sorry there is no dislike button for you. I’m sorry you feel the need to put others down in order for you to feel better. Most of all, I’m sorry I wasted my time on the wrong person. Of course, I did try to tell you how you made me feel, but you wouldn’t listen and instead decided to call me more names. It’s hard to reason with someone who doesn’t see the consequences of their own actions. I will always try and see the good in people because we are only human, and life is hard, but unfortunately, there’s none left to hold on to. All I wanted was an apology and to find out why. Instead, you became the author of the words that have been running around my mind the last few days. I wish you well.
If you’ve read till the end, then thank you. Hopefully, it wasn’t a total snoozefest. The intentions weren’t to be unkind in the post, just simply standing up for myself as it gets to the point where people will push you to your limits. Anyways, we move on and leave this behind.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Amy x
littlemissminor.com 
im sorry 😢
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