Getting older is a strange one isn’t it? I never cared about it in my early 20’s, it felt like I had time to do everything I wanted to do. Now that I’m in my late 20’s it feels like I’m running out of time. Bare with me in this post as my thoughts may be a bit over the place, (a bit like normal really!) I always worry how this reads, as to me it makes sense, but that’s because this is my thought process so it will! I am always forever grateful to have another lap around the sun, as I know there is so many that wish they did and I suppose this is another reminder that maybe if we are feeling like this, it’s because we aren’t living life to the full, or maybe it’s because we know we don’t have forever. I definitely think in the last year I have been living life to the full as it’s definitely been a year for change, but if I’m honest, I do feel like I wasted a lot of time in my early 20’s, however maybe it’s not time wasted and more lessons I’ve learnt.
I actually think a big problem as to why some of us feel like this, is because we are told we must do everything in our 20’s and your 20’s are the best years of your life, and then there are the people who say your 30’s are your new 20’s. When did we start putting ages on when the best years of your life are though? We have no idea what is coming in life and by that logic, what happens when you reach 40? Does your life start becoming boring and dull? I am sure there are people of all ages who have had different ages that have been the “best”. I feel like when we say things like this, it kind of creates some kind of pressure. It can lead to comparing your life to others and make you feel like your life is not good enough. I know this because I have done this. You can feel like “well they’ve done such and such by this age, and I haven’t”.
Now my Birthday was in June and over the last few years I have found myself reflecting on that age and whether I was happy with that year. There are obviously things beyond our control that happens that can make a year bad, but I look at what things I have done with the year. I was quite pleased with what I had achieved in my 27th chapter, like I mentioned about there was a lot of change, which led to a lot of stress too, but the outcomes outweighed the negatives. I feel like I gained part of my life back which led me to have more time, however I do feel like the year maybe could of been a little bit better. I am very grateful for the year I had, and some of you may think I am being hard on myself but I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to do better. There are things I could of done better. I definitely said yes to more things, putting myself in more sociable situations, things that don’t necessarily make me feel comfortable, they actually make me feel more anxious, however I feel like I could of done more with my time.
Now obviously there is lots of us who would love to be able to have more days out, weekends away, or even holidays but that’s not feasible for all of us, however there is plenty of things that I think I could of done that don’t cost as much. For example I could go for walks and not so much waste a weekend because I know another is coming. I think a new way of thinking for me is at the end of each day think “would I be happy if today was my last day” and if the answer is no, then you know you need to make some changes. The only people that can make changes is ourselves, we can’t expect things to just be automatically done for us. I know this can be easier said than done, it’s no secret I have and still struggle with mental health and you have days you feel like giving up and getting out of bed is an achievement but small steps lead the way. Anyways I have gone off on a bit of a tangent. I look at areas where I have been upset or unhappy and think what can I do to achieve that if I can.
I realised that I had become quite overwhelmed with the extra time I had since getting my new job that I didn’t know where to start with how to use the extra time as I wasn’t use to it, so I just did nothing with it. There were lots of different hobbies that I had sacrificed over the years, that now when I have been given time to do them, I don’t know which one to do first or how to spread my time. Going forward in this next year of my life, I am going to learn to try not to compare my life with someone else’s, as this is what makes each of us unique and different. I am going to try and spend less time just scrolling through my phone passing time, when I could put that time into achieving my goals. I am going to try and live more in the present rather than in the future. I am going to try and manage my time better as it is not ageing that I am afraid of, it is not making the most of the days, months, years. We never know when that stops for us, for our loved ones, for our friends. Lastly I am going to try and put less pressure on myself as it’s pressure that leads me to feeling overwhelmed and actually has the opposite effect on me and I just need to start living rather than existing.
How do you feel about getting older?
Amy x
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