Hello, long time no see, how is everyone? I finally decided to get my laptop out and write again. It hasn’t gone unnoticed that my blog has gained a lot of attention this year and so if you are new, welcome. I hope this blog is able to serve some sort of purpose to you. Whether that is an escape, or you are able to take something away from my posts, it’s a safe space here and I hope you find something valuable. The fact that people are still interested, is an encouragement and I finally feel in the right headspace to begin writing again. There has been some change for me recently, which I will talk about further on and I think this first post back will serve as some kind of life update. If there is anything you would like to see spoken about on here, please let me know! I’ve never stuck to a particular niche, as I have too many interests and passions so if you like variety, you are in the right place. You can either use the comment section or email me on my contact page for any suggestions. I do plan on sticking around, and am hoping to post regularly but there will be no set schedule for now. It does feel good to sit down and write, so I’m looking forward to seeing what the future holds for this blog.
First things first, is I have moved house back to the countryside. This is something that happened at the end of May and it all happened quite quickly. It’s taken a while to get settled in, but I think I’m getting there. I’m currently trying to personalise it a bit more and make it feel a bit more homely, but it’s a bit of a slow process. I actually hate moving house but this was for the best. It does kind of feel like I’m starting out all over again though. Where I previously lived I didn’t have any friends, and I probably didn’t give it a proper go. I didn’t feel comfortable or confident to go out and that played quite a huge factor. I didn’t even like driving in that area. I do get quite anxious leaving the house at the moment but I’m hoping the more I push myself, the easier it becomes. Weekends can be a bit difficult at times and I think I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the things I need to do. It sounds like I’m only listing negatives but there’s a lot of positives as well. I am closer to my family and work. I am getting more confident at driving again and am going out a bit more than I used to. Although I am finding things a little difficult at the moment, I think this will do wonders for my personal growth.
Last month I turned 31. We all know how much I don’t like birthdays and fully breaking into the 30s felt a bit scary, but I felt at peace with it. I had quite a chilled birthday, and went out for a meal with some family, and I just felt incredibly grateful to reach 31. I think the next year will be rather interesting, as I really have no idea what direction my life is going to go in. Usually I would try and figure it out, have some sort of plan to work towards, but I am confident I am exactly where I need to be right now. For once I am not comparing my life to others and honestly when you stop doing that, you have instantly dropped a weight off your shoulders. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think there is a beauty in the unknown. When you plan things, you expect them to go a certain way. When there is no plan, you don’t know the people you are going to meet, the places you will see or the memories you get to create, and that’s quite exciting isn’t it? Who is this Amy? Haha. To bring it all back to turning 31, yes, I usually hate the thought of getting older but rather than worry about the future, why not just focus on the now? I have a really good feeling about this next year of my life.
Something else that has changed is I was working from home 5 days a week but I am now having to go back into the office for one day. This has caused me a great amount of anxiety as I haven’t worked around so many people in nearly 4 years. I’m not a massive people person as it is, and so this change of dynamic really did scare me. It’s been 5 weeks now and although I hated it the first week, I feel like I have now settled in a bit and found some people I really get on with. Up until this point I had never worked with the whole team in person, so it’s a bit of a strange situation. Social interaction is definitely important, and when you spend the majority of your time alone, I can see how this might benefit me. Would I want to do more than one day in the office? Absolutely not. This is enough social interaction for me but I can see some positives from this now. The only issues is now I am desperately needing some clothes for the office. As someone who takes a year to make choices, not having a uniform is difficult. I think this will be much easier in the colder months but this heat is something. Also the parking is nearly £11 a week. Daylight robbery at it’s finest.
I wasn’t 100% sure whether to include this but I have always been very transparent about my mental health on here. My overthinking at the moment has been through the roof. It has been rough but I acknowledge it. The usual thoughts being, people don’t like me, people are distancing themselves from me, I have no purpose in life, I bring nothing to anyone else’s life etc. I can tell when I am spiraling as well, but have no idea how to stop that. If anyone has any advice, please let me know, because I drive myself insane at times. The problem is it has been said to me that I am creating problems that don’t exist. They aren’t real, however I will react to them as if they are real. It’s mentally exhausting, not only that, but it also has physical side effects as well, that I haven’t experienced before. The last few days have been a bit better and I am starting to see that I can get through this, but before that, it felt like there was no end to these thoughts. I am even skeptical now that I’ve had a good few days. As someone who likes having control over her life, having a lack of control over your mind is a horrible feeling. I think if I could understand why it is so bad then it would be a little easier, but I genuinely have no idea.
Another small change but not life related is I have added a new category to my blog. Now I know you are probably thinking, “Amy don’t you think you have enough categories?” Yes, you are probably right, but gaming is another hobby of mine and so I thought it would be quite a fun one to talk about. As already mentioned, I do not have a niche. In fact, I am probably one of the very few blogs that doesn’t have one. I think if you are looking to take things a bit more seriously and want your blog to progress, then yes have a niche, but this is an escape for me. The main game I play is Dead by Daylight so expect a lot of content around that but there’s a few other horror type games I am still yet to play. I have all the dark picture games and would love to properly try them out at some point. I always go back to Dead by Daylight though. I have met some really great people through that game and it’s got me through some lonely times as well. It does have it’s toxic side but I just find it hilarious in general. I used to be a killer main, but I play a lot more survivor now. I seem to go through phases. I only have one p100 and that is my Feng Min. I am actually trying to level everyone up at the same time!
So there you have it, a bit of an update on what’s been going on in the last few months! There’s definitely been a mixture of highs and lows but I’ve just got to try and keep going. Since moving house, I have felt a bit lost. It’s taken a bit longer to settle in than what I thought. There’s still positives and I know that deep down, just my mind needs a little help at the moment as it doesn’t seem to want to be at peace. I definitely think getting back into blogging might be a good focus point for me. Again, I’m not sure how often I will post, but I’m going to make an effort, just no promises. I have missed it a lot. Oh, and I also had an impulsive decision to dye my hair because my roots were bad and I thought how hard could it be to do it yourself. Turns out pretty hard. It’s faded a bit now, but it went quite ginger at the top, but for some reason I’ve had so many compliments, which is not good because it inspires me to do it again. So who knows what colour I’ll be in a few months. Anyways as always I am waffling, so I am going to wrap up this post. If you have made it this far then thank you. I hope you’re all having great weekends and I will see you in the next post.
How is everyone? What’s everyone’s plans for the summer? What is something you are looking forward to?
I would love to hear!
Amy x
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