I don’t know if most of you know now, but I love to dance. Yes, I haven’t been doing much of it lately but I know I will get there and become the teacher I want to be. I’m 20 years old, and still young, I feel like I need to live my life, there is still plenty of time, to become the dream. This is something that has taken me a long time to realise. I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up, because another year has gone by and I’ve not got to where I want to be, but never realised how much pressure I was putting on myself and how much time I still have. Dance is something I’ve done since a very young age, I love it so much and it’s so much easier to express yourself in dance, rather than talking. It is my getaway. I went to college and studied dance for 2 years and then got a job and that’s where it stopped. I got into East London University but decided against it, as there were other ways I could do what I want to do, without the fees. I don’t regret not going at all. However there was also another way I could of gone, and that is dance school.
It would of been a dream to get into Urdang or Bird but the more I looked into it, the more I had a change of heart. Reason being was because when it came to the application process, I saw more and more things in common with each one. That was that they almost all application ask for your weight. Not that there was anything wrong with my weight but it’s just the fact that they have this image they are looking for each year, and weight came in to that. Not only that but friends had been to auditions where they’ve weighed you as well, and I just thought to myself, I don’t want to be part of that, I’m here to show my passion for dance, not my size. Why should size judge how well I can dance? Why should it even come in to it? Most of all, this could of had a really negative effect on how I felt about myself, and how I felt about dancing. I’m not saying that all schools are like this but there are a few and it’s such a shame. I just felt dissapointed.
That was the main reason, another reason was confidence. I knew that the audition process was tough and thought I didn’t have a chance. I printed out the applications, but never filled them in, because of how much I put myself down. Plus I have always been more into the teaching side, I love performing and being on stage but I like being creative as well. One thing I’ve started learning about myself, is that I’m a bit of a perfectionist and have always felt, that whatever I do, there is someone better doing the same thing. Some auditions asked you to read a monologue, I never been to acting, I love watching people act but it’s not something I’m good at it. That was another reason why I thought it was a no go. I knew that it was something out of my comfort zone.
However I will not stop dancing, dance school just wasn’t for me. I have had some amazing experiences dancing, it’s my escape. I am so thankful to my family for paying for my lessons, competitions, costumes, exams, even taking me. I am eternally grateful and can’t wait to get back in to it.
This is not the end.