It’s no secret I’ve been stuck in a rut for some time now. I did actually have a blog post half ready for the start of the year, but as you can see , it never really happened. There’s not a day that’s gone past where I haven’t thought about getting my laptop out and start typing, but my mind just hasn’t been there. The thing is I absoloutely love blogging, it’s something I really enjoy but at the moment, my relationship with life seems to be a love, hate relationship, and it’s so frustrating.
It’s no secret that I’m getting older, we all are. I really hope by saying this it’s not going to set off worries for others, because I know how “silly” this sounds. I’ve put the word silly in speech marks as I have been called that in the past. If anyone has experienced this though, you know and I know that it certainly doesn’t feel silly. It feels like a really big thing, which feels even bigger when people don’t understand. The fact that I’m getting older now, scares me so much. I worry so much that I’m wasting my life away, and that I’m running out of time to do things I want to do. Like I don’t even like thinking about my birthday anymore, and this year I’m not really big on celebrating it. Yet right now I’m 24. It sounds so ridiculous, and I’m well aware I need to try and change my mindset. I want to be excited for my birthday and celebrate etc. My friend actually said something that’s stuck with me this last week, and that is say you live till your 100, you will only be a quarter of your way through life, which is so true. Most people dread turning 30, but I seem to be dreading turning 25.
The thing is there are lots of amazing things to look forward to this year, like I should be so excited and taking it all in. Instead I’m worrying about the future constantly and I don’t want it to get to the point where I’ll start having regrets. I’m wasting life not because I’m getting older, but because I’m not living in the moment, and then I really would have wasted years. I hope this makes sense. There was a point where I thought mentally I was doing well, but if there is anything I have learn’t about mental illness is, if you do take a step forward, don’t be shocked if at some point you take a few steps back too.
This blog post isn’t the way I intended it to go at all. I was just going to briefly talk about it and that would be it. Do you know what though, over on my Instagram I did a poll of what people would like to see more of on here, and people said mental health posts, so as much as I didn’t want my first post of the year to be like this, unfortunately it is and so here I am writing this feeling very vulnerable, but at the same time hoping I’m helping someone else out there.
Going forward with blogging, I have so many post ideas that I’ve drafted down on my phone, which is weird because I usually don’t have that many. I’m not going to set a schedule of when posts go up or anything, ideally, I would like to post a lot more frequently, but I’m not going to put that pressure on myself right now. I feel a lot better for getting how I’ve been feeling out there. I’ts never been an option in my head to close this blog down, it’s always been how can I turn this around and make it better. I have spoke to so many amazing people through blogging, and some that I actually speak to on a weekly basis, which is so lovely. I can’t thank each and every one of you enough for just being patient with this blog. I promise to make more of an effort with this from now on. I just need to work on my mindset too at the same time.
Whilst writing this I decided to put on a YouTube playlist and I think it’s called songs to sing in the car, or maybe shower, so I was thinking this sounds like its going to be really good, but I literally feel like I’m going through a breakup. All the songs are dead sad and yes you can sing to them but at the same time I’m like, I should really turn this off, otherwise I’m going to have to get a spoon and a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Although a song from Frozen has just come on, so this could be a turning point. I love Disney.
Anyway’s I went offtrack there.
So this is a fresh start. I welcome any of you to go on this journey with me, share stories and how you are feeling too. There are still going to be recipes, posts about fashion, beauty, travel etc. but there are also going to be a lot of honest posts too. Posts that will hopefully help you, or someone you may know, but also help me. I am feeling quite anxious posting this out there, as I feel like this is me completely stripped down to the bare minimal. However I am also looking forward to seeing what this next year of my blog holds.
I’ll get through this.