Today is a day that is very close to my heart, and I couldn’t just not post about it. I’ve been very quiet recently, for the pure fact that I feel like the world is on pause, and just when I feel like I’m starting to adapt to the new normal, I find things change again and then I’m having to adapt again. It’s like this constant limbo of moving forwards and backwards, and as much as I don’t want to make this post all about Covid, I feel like more than ever, people’s mental health is being effected and unfortunately one of the reasons is because of this.
I have struggled with anxiety for years and years but was diagnosed with depression at the start of last September. I say diagnosed, because I was struggling a while before that. I have been on depressants since then, and even now I struggle to come to terms with the fact that I am still on them. It’s because I’ve heard other people speak about them, and how they were only on them for like 6 months. I’ve been on them for just over a year. For me I felt like a failure for being on them in the first place, but for being on them for over 6 months, made me feel like an even bigger one. However I’ve come to the realisation that there is no time limit. It’s okay to need a little extra time than others, as no two people’s mental health is the same.
Regrettably I thought about dying, more than I should of done, and this is what made me go to the doctors in the first place. My emotions were all over the place, I was either on top of the world, or sinking below it, there was no in-between, and I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes this still happens. It can be difficult now even more so, as with restrictions constantly being changed, we can feel even more isolated than normal. However I have noticed a big improvement with my anxiety, even typing that makes me smile. I am doing things I never even thought I’d be doing, and I guess there is a sense of proudness with myself there.
I can’t actually tell you where this has had all stemmed from, I think it’s been a build up of things that have happened over the years, and even some things I remember from childhood, that I’ve kept bottled up and just try and block it out. However I can’t stress enough how important it is to talk. It might not be a family member, or a friend, but there are counsellors, people at work, helplines, etc, there is someone out there for everyone to talk too.
I am scared for our next generation, the statistics of young people now being affected by mental health issues is terrifying. Something needs to change. Social media can be a wonderful place but also a very dangerous one too. It’s so easy for people to be mean behind a screen these days, and I’m not blaming it all on social media, but it is a starting point. Obviously mental health awareness is not just limited one day of the year, it should be talked about all through the year, and I hope you can see that I do try to do that as well. Something that makes me sad is that there is still people out there who do have a narrow mind about it all. Just because someone looks happy on the outside, does not mean they are on the inside, and an illness doesn’t have to be shown just by looking at someone.
This is important and this is happening. If I can just encourage one person to talk to someone about their struggles, then putting all mine out there for the internet to see, makes it worth doing so. I’ve only talked about two examples of mental health, but there are many others out there, but I can only talk more in depth about the ones I suffer with. However one thing that is for certain is that we are all in this together, and it is okay to not be okay. You are never alone. I really hope that one day there isn’t such a stigma around it. A place where no one judges someone else for seeking out help. I hope that as time goes on, more and more people will want to put kindness back into the world. Most of all I hope a lot more people aren’t suffering in silence.
Sending love to you all,