Have you ever finished a difficult conversation and only realised afterwards how emotionally exhausting it was? We can be left feeling drained, vulnerable or exposed, or overwhelmed by our thoughts and emotions. Whatever we feel, it’s important to acknowledge those emotions rather than automatically pushing them aside. It’s understandable that we sometimes try to ignore our feelings. They can be uncomfortable, confusing and, at times, painful. I think of it like holding an inflatable beach ball underwater. At first, you might be able to keep it submerged, but eventually, your arms become tired, and the ball pops back up to the surface. Our emotions can sometimes feel similar. Pushing them away might help us get through a difficult moment, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve processed them. When we continually try to ignore how we’re feeling, the emotional strain can build, leaving us exhausted or causing those feelings to surface in ways we weren’t expecting. That’s why looking after ourselves after a difficult conversation matters. We need to give ourselves the time and space to acknowledge what we’re feeling, rather than expecting ourselves to put everything aside and carry on.
Sometimes, speaking openly can bring up memories, questions or feelings that we haven’t considered for a long time. Even positive conversations can leave us feeling vulnerable. You might understand what happened, and feel comfortable talking about it, but still find that discussing it brings up difficult emotions. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost progress. It can simply mean that the subject still matters to you. It can take time to understand how a conversation has affected us. How many of us have replayed a conversation later on in the day? We start questioning whether we said too much, whether we were too vulnerable, or whether we should have approached things differently. I think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves to feel better simply because the conversation is over, but just because the conversation is over doesn’t mean how you feel is over too. We need to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come up rather than judging ourselves for having them. To anyone who feels unsettled after opening up, please know that it’s natural. Be gentle with yourself. Take some time out, do something that makes you feel safe and comfortable, and remember that processing something difficult takes time.
Now that my seven-day awareness campaign has come to an end, I’ve found myself reflecting not only on what I’ve shared, but also on how the experience has affected me. I wasn’t expecting the seven posts to affect me as much as they did. If I’m honest, by day three, I was struggling. From that point onwards, my overthinking became difficult to manage. I found myself second-guessing things, questioning who in my life I could trust and whether I could trust what people were telling me. It was difficult because I was struggling to engage with some of the people close to me, but finishing the week was important to me. This experience has made me realise that sometimes, we don’t fully understand how much something has affected us until we revisit it. I found myself questioning why I hadn’t got myself out sooner, and looking back at the person I was then made me feel sad for her. I think there’s a part of me that still worries about how people see me. I worry that someone might read my posts and form a negative opinion of me, or that people might treat me differently now that they know something so personal about my life, but I also know that what happened to me doesn’t define who I am.
I’m not damaged. I just have more work to do on myself. I can acknowledge that there are things I’m still working through without dismissing the progress I’ve already made. I can be proud of how far I’ve come while recognising that some experiences can still affect me in ways I don’t always understand. The past week has reminded me of how important it is to recognise what I need when things become difficult. Balancing the campaign with everyday life was hard. I was finishing work and then going straight into writing my blog posts. It took a lot out of me, and I don’t think I fully appreciated just how emotionally demanding it would be. Now that the week has finished, I can honestly say I’m proud of myself for opening up. Sharing personal things has never been easy for me. It has meant a lot to know that people have taken the time to read my posts, but alongside that pride, I’ve recognised that I need to give myself time and patience. I’m used to working through things on my own, and my instinct is often to retreat into myself until I feel ready to come back out of it. I’m learning to recognise when I need that space, rather than expecting myself to carry on as though nothing has happened.
I’ve also been thinking about the little things that help me feel better. Towards the end of that week, I had a bath. Sometimes, having a bath helps me relax, although on other occasions, the quiet gives my mind too much room to overthink. I’ve learnt that what helps one day doesn’t necessarily help the next. Music is another thing that gets me through everything. It can help me process how I’m feeling, distract me when I need a break from my thoughts, or simply give me something familiar to turn to. Over the last six months, I’ve also become much more aware of myself. I feel I’m getting better at recognising when something is affecting me and understanding what might have triggered a particular feeling. I noticed the signs during the awareness week. I knew I was overthinking more than usual, that I was finding it harder to engage with people and that I needed some time to myself. I might not always get everything right, and I’m still learning, but being able to recognise those signs is progress in itself. Perhaps that’s what looking after yourself really starts with. Learning to pay attention to what you’re feeling, recognising when you need a little extra care, and giving yourself permission to respond to those needs.
It can be difficult to give ourselves permission to rest because we might feel that whenever we pause, there are other things we should be doing instead. I also think we can feel guilty for needing time away from people. That can be particularly difficult when it’s someone close to you, because you might worry about upsetting them or making them feel as though you’re pushing them away. Sometimes, you just need a little breathing room. It’s about listening to what you need, acknowledging how you’re feeling and recognising when you need some time to yourself. It’s important to listen to those signs rather than continually pushing ourselves to carry on as normal. I also think it’s important to remember that we don’t have to keep talking about something simply because we’ve started opening up about it. You can choose what you’re comfortable talking about and what you’d prefer to keep private. Being open about something personal takes courage. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is give ourselves a quieter day without expecting ourselves to be productive, sociable or emotionally available to everyone around us. Sometimes, we just need to pause, take a breath and give ourselves permission to be.
Comfort can be found in many ways. I love feeling cosy. I’ll light a candle, put on some low lighting, find a good film, have great food, and then just switch off for a while. Nothing complicated, nothing that requires much effort, just a little time doing something I enjoy. Another thing that helps me stay grounded after a difficult day is journalling. Writing things down gives me somewhere to put those thoughts rather than keeping everything bottled up inside. Comfort can also look like wrapping yourself in a blanket, playing a video game, going for a walk, or simply making yourself a hot drink and enjoying it without interruptions. It’s also important to recognise what you need rather than what you think you should be doing. Sometimes I feel as though I should be journalling, especially when I have a lot on my mind, but the truth is, I don’t always want to write about how I’m feeling. Instead, I’ll put some music on, as music allows me to feel without necessarily having to put those feelings into words. At times, I need to write things down, and other times, I just need to listen to a song and let myself feel whatever comes up. It’s about recognising what I need in that moment and allowing myself to respond to it.
Another thing I do is be a little less available on my phone. I’ll spend less time on social media and sometimes delay replying to messages when I don’t have the energy to engage. I do this as I don’t always feel able to give people the same energy I normally would, and I wouldn’t want someone to think they’re the reason for that. This last week has been busy for me, so I haven’t had as much downtime as I’d have liked. I did however, decide to take over a week off blogging. That doesn’t mean I haven’t missed it, I enjoy writing, and it’s something that’s important to me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel guilty about taking the break, but I also need to recognise when I have too much on my plate. Sometimes, even the things we love need to take a back seat while we make room for ourselves. Looking after yourself doesn’t have to be complicated. It begins with noticing how you’re feeling and responding with a little kindness. You can start with something small, or simply something that makes today feel a little easier, and if what helped yesterday doesn’t help today, that’s okay too. The important thing is to give yourself the space to work out what you need, without putting even more pressure on yourself in the process.
Sometimes, we expect ourselves to recover from difficult experiences quickly because negative emotions can be uncomfortable. It’s natural to want those feelings to go away. I know I’ve felt frustrated with myself for still being affected by something because it can make me feel weak. The abuse I experienced happened six years ago, and yet I can still find myself affected by things today. I know I’ve moved forward with my life, but there are times when something brings those feelings back to the surface. I think part of what makes it difficult is knowing that the person who hurt me has been able to carry on with their life, while I can still find myself dealing with the effects of what happened. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed to move forward. It doesn’t mean I’ve made no progress, and it doesn’t mean I’m back where I started. We can go through difficult situations in life, whether that’s the end of a friendship, something that happened at work or a difficult experience within our family. We might eventually understand why things unfolded as they did, accept that we couldn’t change the outcome or even forgive the people involved, but understanding something doesn’t necessarily mean we’re completely at peace with it.
Sometimes, we can make sense of an experience and still feel disappointed and hurt by what happened. We can accept that something is in the past without pretending it didn’t affect us. Sometimes, we discover that old wounds haven’t healed as much as we thought. Feelings don’t always arrive at convenient times, and working through them isn’t always straightforward. Having a difficult day doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made. Finding something hard doesn’t mean you’re weak, and needing support doesn’t mean you aren’t coping. You don’t have to work everything out on your own, and you don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable before allowing someone to help. Above all, I think we need to stop measuring our progress by how quickly we can return to normal after something has affected us. Healing isn’t about proving that nothing hurts anymore. It’s about learning to recognise what affects us, understanding what we need and giving ourselves the time and space to work through it. We might not always be where we hoped we’d be, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t come a long way. We can acknowledge how far we’ve come while accepting that there are still things we’re working through. Both can be true.
Over the last week or so, I’ve learnt that my past has affected me more than I realised. When something happens to me, I don’t always take the time to process it properly. Instead, I tend to throw myself into keeping busy, almost as though staying occupied will stop me from thinking about what’s happened. I realise now how important it is to give myself the opportunity to process difficult experiences rather than simply trying to carry on. I’m trying to be more understanding of myself and kinder, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had days when I’ve felt incredibly frustrated. Sometimes, I struggle with the feeling that I’m hard to love and hard to like, and I can be quite critical. I know that if someone I cared about came to me feeling the way I’ve been feeling, I wouldn’t speak to them as harshly. I want to learn how to respond to myself differently. I was really proud of myself for completing the awareness campaign, but I need to give myself time to recover from the emotional demands of sharing so much. I can give other people understanding and compassion while learning to offer those same things to myself, because the kindness we offer to others is something we deserve to receive from ourselves too.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I know this has been a long post, but I also know I’ve been a little quiet lately, and I wanted to take the time to share these thoughts with you. The most important thing I want you to take away from this is that it’s okay to still have some healing to do, no matter how much time has passed. Life can be difficult, and sometimes our experiences affect us in ways we don’t fully understand until much later. There are still so many beautiful moments waiting for you to discover, and even when things feel difficult, it’s okay to have hope for what’s ahead. The past is not your future. So, what happens after the conversation ends? Give yourself time to process what you’ve shared and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. You don’t need to explain yourself to everyone or justify your need for space. The people who respect you should respect your boundaries. Remember that you don’t have to have everything figured out straight away, and you don’t have to be completely okay just because a difficult conversation is over. Be patient with yourself, give yourself the same kindness you would offer someone else, and remember that looking after yourself matters just as much as showing up for other people.
What’s one small thing that helps you look after yourself after a difficult day?
Amy x
